Window Shopping
Date: March 1st 2026
🛏️ My fatigue is so bad outside of the work week, that I spend half of the weekend in bed. Something
changed last week. I felt a different kind of tired because the world was passing me by while I was just
lying there. Sometimes it's good to push myself to do the opposite of what my body wants me to do. I
would deal with the consequences later! What better motivation than going to one of my favorite
restaurants? They do not deliver, so we had to dine in. The food was HEAVEN, as usual.
🔥 We left the restaurant to head home until I realized I had to pee. I avoid public restrooms like the
plague, but desperate times had me not wanting to risk peeing myself. Stopping at the bookstore to use
the restroom has it's perks. The smell of coffee and pastries at the cafe had me floating on air, and of
course we couldn't leave without browsing. I also people watched here and there and was reminded of my
emo/goth days after seeing groups of alternative teens flood the manga section.
There were so many people there. Way more than normal! Some alone and others in groups browsing,
laughing, studying and doing their own thing. I am guilty of doomscrolling, so being out and about and
seeing people be people reminded me that the world isn't as bad as social media portrays. I can't
believe how easy that is to forget once a screen is in front of my face, which is why I detox often!
Also, I LOVE displays!!! So glad we stopped there ! Sometimes I wish I could quit my job and create
displays in stores. I wonder if that task would be as peaceful and creative as I imagine. At least I can
mess with my own displays at home to get it out my system.
I walked away empty handed! Nothing stood out to me although a lot caught my eye. Nice outing. I felt
like garbage/sick but...COPE! No bed rotting for me!
Therapy
Date: February 16th, 2026
Therapy has been an ordeal. Not therapy itself, but gaining access to it. Long story short, I
dropped my
first therapist (mentioned in a past entry) due to the company's shady billing practices.
Not long after, I found another therapist that seemed like a good fit (sadly, doesn't have
extensive
experience with
autistic/ADHD folks), but.... insurance happened. I had
to
advocate for myself continuously because I was charged LARGE bills out of network. After the
burning rage dissipated, I sought
solutions with customer service after I cooled off. (lies, lies, lies with them..except two
people)
I came out of that situation exhausted, but proud of myself for hammering the insurance
company…creating paper trails, documenting calls, getting employee IDs, and gathering evidence
to
prove
she was in network! What's frustrating was that the success was after they "reduced" my bill
while
still
charging out of network... as if to get me to shut up and move on. They felt my wrath because I
continued to fight them. I was going to report
them to the state if that last effort was futile, but they must have sensed I was at my last
straw
LOL.
I hope this doesn't happen again, but have learned a lot from this situation,
and it was a......good exercise for dealing with anger.
During that ordeal, my therapist was understanding and did not cancel my reoccurring
appointments,
to make
sure no one took my slots. I was able to see her as soon as my claim was fixed.
I appreciate how she tries to get to know me, especially this early on. She incorporates my
hobbies
into
my coping skills, and we had a show and tell with our artwork. Her homework isn't given
offhandedly
with
no further check in like other therapists have done. It makes me look forward to seeing her
every
week.
It's a
strange feeling. I am interested in what she has to say. She also has voice that belongs in a
meditation video.
Something that I find funny is that she mentioned being happy to work with someone who knows the
terminology and speaks her language. I have been dropped by many therapists for being "too
complex"
(aka handful of physical/Mental health issues), so I had to research and try to help myself
while
learning therapeutic
methodology and coping skills. I didn't expect that type of acknowledgement, but it was nice.
Maybe I should become a therapist..joking.
I’m hoping she sticks with me and can help me improve my life. I know change is slow, so I will wait patiently.